For the past several years of my life, fear has played a significant role. When I graduated high school, I did not want to leave home. Why on earth would anyone want to leave home? Why would I want to leave my parents and my siblings? Why would I want to leave my friends, and my church, and my comfort zone? I loved the tiny town of Abbott, Texas that I grew up in. Therefore, leaving and entering the unknown was frightening.
I haven’t always been scared and fearful. The first time I attended a summer church camp, I was the only girl my age from our church. My younger brothers were too young to come, and it was one of the only times my mother did not come with me. I had my youth pastor with me and other members of the church, but I was all by myself in the dorm room. I wasn’t afraid that I couldn’t make new friends, instead, I made plenty. We all signed each other’s shirts at the end of the week and promised we wouldn’t forget one another. Rarely did I check in with my youth pastor, because I had things to do and people to hang out with. Each night she would come by to make sure I was doing fine and didn’t need anything. Each night I would assure her that I was doing great and that she didn’t have to worry.
Fast forward to my senior year of high school, and I was terrified. I was afraid to make the wrong choice. I was paralyzed by the endless possibilities that I could take. One time after athletics, I was sitting in the office of my high school coaches just waiting for the bell to ring when the topic of the future came up. When one of them asked me what I wanted to do after I graduated, I couldn’t answer them. I knew God called me to work in the ministry, but I didn’t know how that was going to work out. I ended up crying trying to explain to them that I didn’t know what I was going to do. I just wanted God to tell me what to do and God was not telling me anything. Well, God was speaking to me, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted a step-by-step plan and unfortunately, God doesn’t give those out. Reluctantly, I chose a school and God blessed me with some amazing friendships and community. God provided in the unknown. God revealed his care for me.
Today, I still face fear and there are days that I succumb to the feeling. However, I can’t help but be proud of where I am in life right now. I believe God called me to missions and a lifetime of ministry, and here I am in Honduras doing ministry. I am in a different culture with new faces and a new language. I face the unknown regularly nowadays. High school senior Kylie could never, but by the grace and patience of God, here I am today. Once again, God has provided new friends and an amazing community in an unknown place.
I’ve always wanted to know so that I could be prepared and be in control. The thing is, when we give our lives to Christ, he asks that we give over our control. He asks us to trust in him because the control was never ours, to begin with. So, into the unknown, I go…