Posted by MCCAYLA FLEMING on OCTOBER 29, 2017

Life in Honduras has been different for sure. There’s so much happening here. It all seems to run together when I try to recall all that I’ve seen. There are so many small moments and events that have happened. It’s easy to get in a certain mindset to where you become desensitized to everything. What always puts it all back into perspective for me is when I hear the Gospel being shared. I’ve seen a few people come to Christ, and I can’t express to you the emotions that I felt to see them come forward in faith. I’ve seen these moments, while I’ve seen others simply praying through their struggles. It is truly a privilege to get to pray with them. What I’m learning in ministry, is that brokenness takes on many forms, and reaches every aspect of life that it can grab a hold of. I’ve seen brokenness in expected forms, and brokenness in unexpected forms. What I know for certain, people are people. We are all broken.
I think that’s what I want others to understand more than anything. Though there are differences, it really isn’t completely different from home for me because broken people are everywhere. I’m able to say this because I have gotten past the physical appearances of circumstances. I don’t walk in a village anymore solely worrying about how they eat or how they live the way they do. Not to say that I don’t care about those things, because of course I do. But what I’m saying is that there are even more pressing issues in their own minds. Broken families, split churches, past wounds, a series of abandonment for many, and hearts thirsting for more. Just like any of us who thirst for more. There is a story behind every face, and depth to every problem.
I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make. I don’t expect to come into a person’s life to fix their problems. I think that’s the stereotype of missionaries. We’re supposed to go in and “fix” problems and put a band-aid over things. We come in, build homes, feed people, offer medical assistance, and leave feeling as if that’s all they needed. Those are all wonderful things, but they are only truly worthy when the goal is to make Jesus known. For any other reason, they are just good deeds. If what we do is without love, we are truly nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:2) And if I truly love people, I would offer them a drink from the well that would forever satisfy their thirst…
We don’t have the ability to fix people, and to think that way will always be humbling. I don’t have anything to offer anybody but Jesus. Anything good in me is because of Him. I think the hardest part of ministry for me is worrying about performance/results. I think often that I’m not doing enough because I’m not called to preach, I don’t share the Gospel everyday because I don’t have the language, I don’t know if I have anything to contribute, I don’t know if I’ll be able to connect with somebody, and I don’t think that I have anything to relate to with others. You know what I keep seeing in that last sentence is “I” and all the ways in which I lack. Shows how much I have. So even in ministry, even being in a foreign country depending on the Lord, I let myself get in the way all the time. I can’t explain to you how disappointed that I’ve been with myself, but God is GOOD. So good, and I don’t want to get in the way of how He wants to use and shape me. I want to see others be shaped by Him too because it really is beautiful. Painful, but wow is it worth it. I can look back, see the person that I was years ago, and am thankful all over again for the ways that God has dealt with me. I have found my joy in sharing with other people the goodness of God.
If any of you are discouraged in your walk, me too. Sometimes I feel lonely, unworthy, and can see all of my faults in my face. It’s frustrating. But what I truly want, the very thing that is deeply rooted in my heart, is to see others come to know Jesus. The greatest desire that I have is to be able to look at others and to feel nothing but a fiery desire for them to know Him. I’m praying for that persistently.
So that basically means saying goodbye to my feelings, or making excuses as to why I can’t initiate conversation, and goodbye to all the reasons that I can’t move forward due to my past. I can truly say goodbye to it all. It’s hard to believe because I’ve seen myself at my worst and that keeps coming to the surface, but I want to leave my past behind and press forward…
I know God has me here to serve this ministry. Help them with the day-to-day tasks, help with the financial tracking, and to help plan trips. These things and to join them on the field. That is what I came to help here with, and if can’t do the simple tasks out of love, I am nothing. The opportunities that I have had to get to know people and to simply walk with them has been great. I hardly know how to share it with others back home, because it really is a collection of small moments and interactions. I hope to build relationships with others to the point that I can share more with them. I’m thankful to be here and to have met so many different people here. They are beautiful people. I’m thankful to be apart of an amazing ministry here that chooses to walk alongside people, make disciples, raise up leaders, and share the Gospel. I hope this is encouraging to somebody who may feel like they are not doing enough. God wants to shape you, He’s never through with you, and He wants to use you despite the ways you lack.
I want to mention to you a few people that I would like others to pray for. Alex is a nine year-old boy who is from a village called Rancho Obispo. He can hardly use his voice, and we have taken him to a doctor a few times. Every time he has put up a fight and is too afraid to let the doctor examine his throat. Please pray for him as he possibly receives treatment in the future. I would also ask for you to pray for a woman named Estella. She is an older woman in San Pedrito, who has an amazing amount of faith, but is very sick and can’t get out of bed. I have been touched by her sweet words the few times that I’ve been around her. Finally, I ask that you would pray for Cenicera. This village is special. I love all of the villages but there’s something about this particular village that I feel led to pray for. Please pray for their church and for God to bring a pastor to them soon.
Thank you for reading!

Wow. So much has already happened since my last update! I have been serving in the office of course, but within the past week or so I have gotten to be out on the field more. I have gotten to meet more people in multiple villages, which has been great. Especially since I am learning and practicing Spanish. I have been more confident in initiating conversations and letting myself make mistakes in speaking. That really is the only way I will learn. I know I will learn if I continue to use what I know in as many situations as possible.

I got to practice a little bit with a woman named Luisa, who is from a village called Catulaca. She came to help prepare meals for workers with Melyssa and I. There were two days of work on the hunger farm that required men from multiple villages to come out and serve. Over time, it is our hope to see leaders take it upon themselves to care for their communities by running the hunger farm. We had about twenty men come and work for two days so that they can earn food, but also work for future families in need.  It was a special time for me to get to know Luisa, as much as I could anyways. She is one of the sweetest women I have ever met, and would continue to talk to me even if I couldn’t respond. We would just laugh and carry on with cooking. By the end of the day, I know I made a friend. It was really special just to be doing an everyday task with her. That’s what I’ve realized since being here. Walking with them through the day-to-day tasks mean more to them than anything else we could give.

Another special memory that I have is when I celebrated Children’s day in a village called Cenicera. This is a village that is actually the closest to town, but ironically the poorest of all of them. Even more of a problem is the breakdown of families in villages, including this one. I was informed that the children here don’t get shown affection much, so it was really awesome that the village hosted their own celebration for the children. We got to simply show up and celebrate with them. I really love children and have never had a difficult time connecting with them. There were many sweet moments I shared with a little girl named Stephanie, who wanted to sit in my lap the entire time. It truly is the little things that go a long way for kids, but my heart was also happy to spend that time with her and a few others.

Two amazing events took place in a village called Chimis, which was a village that I had never met before. The first day that I went with Shannon and Edith, we were speaking to three couples that were planning to get married the following weekend. Here it is not considered a priority or even a possibility for people to get married in the villages. The church in Chimis was ready to split about a year ago because of the disagreements within it. They fought over who should be leading. Our ministry lightly intervened and has been teaching those who want to lead what the Bible requires of them. This teaching has led these couples to get married so that they can make those covenant vows in front of God, and be credible leaders in the church. More importantly, it has led nineteen people to be saved and baptized. It was a humbling few days to see a church that was once divided, celebrate together. My favorite part was getting to walk with two small boys back up the mountain after the baptisms. That made for an interesting hike! Haha. They each held a hand of mine as we navigated around mud and steep rocks. One of them would slip and I would have to let go of one that was safe to keep the other one up. They would grab my hand again as soon as my hand was free. It was so sweet how much they wanted me to just walk with them. It painted a simple picture of how God loves us and how patient He is with us when we slip and fall, let go of His hand, and how much it pleases Him when we reach out for Him again. Those boys stole my heart!!!

There are many other moments I could share. Little moments like walking up the mountain with those small children, preparing meals (basically learning how to cook at all), and hugging new people within the first moment of meeting them. That’s what I love about people here. Those that want friendships and want to be close, will definitely reach out for it. Many are vulnerable and compassionate, and choose relationships over tasks. Their culture is rich with emotion and boldness. I love so many aspects of it and it’s hard to narrow it down to a statement. I’m thankful for the opportunities to learn and grow from them. I may have been called here to serve, but in many ways, I am also growing to be more like Christ. I can’t do it without relationships here. I can’t learn more about God without learning how to love people. There’s so much to learn from people here.

I am also thankful to have somebody here who is willing to teach me Spanish! Cynthia has already proved to be a strict teacher, but only because she knows that I want to learn it. I’m so glad that she wants to hold me accountable to study and really apply myself. I also cannot express my gratitude for the team I get to be apart of. They have really encouraged me and have made me feel welcome here. They are giving me opportunities to serve and learn. They have asked each of us to set six goals for the next couple of months, and I am praying and thinking on what I should be focused on while here. It’s easy to float around and just do the tasks needed, but I also want to invest my time wisely.

One goal that I have is to of course learn Spanish! At least enough to be able carry on more in-depth conversations. Especially if I am to ever share the Gospel to others. This is a need of mine. Please pray for me to stay focused and work hard amongst other things I will be doing here. The second goal I have is to be more involved with the school here. Not only do I love kids, but I also have a desire to encourage the youth. I know how hard it is to find your way through those years. I hope to be able to start a bible study and/or mentor young girls there. That will take me being around the school more and developing those relationships naturally. I look forward to making new friends there. Those are the two goals that are set in stone for now. I have one small one like “go to the store by yourself and speak the Spanish you know”, because I have been very timid to make myself look stupid here. But really, making mistakes is the only way I can learn to speak it. I actually didn’t want to share something that I had written a few weeks ago, but I feel that it definitely shows the struggle within myself.

“Fear is claustrophobic. That’s the word I kept thinking of in reference to how I’ve felt the past few weeks. I couldn’t put my finger on why I’ve felt that way though. On-going, churning anxiety because everything is different. I speak a little Spanish, enough to get where I need to go or to ask somebody a few questions, but I’ve never really understood the fear and frustration of not being apart before. I thought I had, but I truly haven’t until I got here. Fear really is claustrophobic. It won’t let up, won’t let you breathe, and will tell you anything to keep you where it wants you. It’ll weaken you until you wonder why you’re even doing what you’re doing. I’ve been feeling so small. Though it isn’t true, fear is hand-in-hand with pride, and pride can convince you of anything. It’s not comfortable, so I’m not made for it. It’s not easy, so maybe I wasn’t meant to do it. I feel completely wrong for this place, so maybe I was wrong. But you know, I’ve come to realize that that’s exactly why I’m here. It seems foolish that I’m here trying to build relationships with people who speak a different language, when I’m still afraid of building relationships back home. It’s completely uncomfortable, which makes me angry inside, leading to pride that says, ‘Resist change.’ Once I realize what my heart is saying, I’m disappointed in myself for the feelings and for being ungrateful. But I know God doesn’t even want me to dwell on the feelings or the fact that I’m uncomfortable. He doesn’t want me to give up because it’s hard or because I’ve stopped believing. He just wants me to turn to Him and say, ‘I believe’. I’ve learned that it’s as simple as that sometimes. Repentance is changing your mind, not wiping yourself clean. It’s always a choice. Everything comes down to whether you believe in God or not. For my situation, I believe. I believe because I know only He frees me from the fear. I know His heart and know that He’s already overcome it all. I just have to believe.”

Getting to the heart of it (or really of me), I have wrestled with many different emotions already. Though this has been hard at times, it has proven to be a really great thing. My weaknesses truly have been a vessel for God to share His grace with me. My dependency on Him has increased tremendously because of the many things I have had to let go of since I’ve arrived. The things that I have had to let go of are all the ways in which I have tried to plan out my life. There has been complete surrender here in my heart. I am working on my walk with Him, ensuring that I acknowledge my need for Him every moment of every day. I have learned that I can do nothing apart from Him, and cannot trust my feelings to lead me. I have had to place my hope completely in Him concerning my struggles here, my longing to see my family and friends, and the future. Everything is about Him. Pray for me when you think about it, because I need all the prayers I can get. God is up to many things here, and I’m so thankful to be a small part of it. Above all, I am learning to let go and to not resist change. To learn, I have to be transparent.

Published September 27, 2017

It’s been two weeks and a day since I have moved to Honduras. I actually had an update written up days ago for people to get a glimpse of the things I’ve been doing here, but I failed to really explain a lot about the culture here. I know that those are the questions that people have, so I’ll do my best to explain things as I write posts.

Gracias is one of the safest, if not the safest town, in Honduras. The president of Honduras is from Gracias so there is a bunch of police and military here. Where I live is pretty safe because it is gated and the landlords are extremely sweet. That is all a blessing in itself. This really is not a difficult town to live in, but it is still very different. I personally don’t feel comfortable going places by myself for one obvious reason. I don’t know how to speak the language well. In many ways, that is extremely frustrating but it pushes me to want to learn too.

What’s awesome about this town is that it is central to so many villages that surround it. It serves as a base for the ministry to take care of the hunger farm for people here, run the radio station that shares the Gospel, and host American churches that come down to serve and minister to the villages. Gracias is a really special town with many hidden gems.

So to start with what I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks, I’ll go over what I’ve been doing to help the ministry. Basically, I’ve helped them catch up on recording expenses for multiple accounts. It took some time, but now everything is nearly caught up. Other than organizing and tracking expenses from teams that have come down, I helped to create the staff meeting agenda, put together a newsletter, and record events for social media. There is still much that I’m being trained for but it’s already been a busy few weeks! I’m very glad to be helping with these simple tasks that free them up.

We also had Jimmy Storrie from Life Recovered come down to host a retreat for the team. This retreat consisted of us learning more about our own personalities and our team personality so that we can better understand and communicate with one another. We also read a book together called The Way of the Heart. It’s a book about the resting in God spiritually and it shaped the way I have viewed prayer and true rest. I learned so much and have already grown. I feel as if I’ve been given the tools I need to grow more into what God is calling me to do. I’ve learned that the beginning of serving God truly is resting in Him. We cannot do anything without Him, so learning to take a day to bring it all back to Him has been eye-opening. I’d encourage any believer to read this book.

Basically, it’s been pretty busy. It feels as if it’s flying by. I’m glad to have the busy days doing the day-to-day things, but I’m also really excited about being on the field too. Something that I’m really looking forward to is getting to meet villages around that I haven’t gotten to meet. I’m more than ready to get to know the local children here. They are so precious and I hope to be able to have a part in children’s ministry here. I’m ready to see the kids I met last summer in San Isidro!

Speaking of kids, today was really special! One of my roommates, Ellie, is a sign language interpreter who uses that gift to minister to the deaf community around here. She worked on promoting an event today for weeks! All so that she could meet those who are deaf and teach them and their families how to sign. Many of the deaf here do not have anybody to sign to them because they are not educated, therefore, many people start off not knowing any language at all. Today we got to see Ellie in action, and it was incredible. About twenty deaf children and adults arrived with their families to learn LESHO, which is the Honduran sign language. This is different from American sign language (ASL), meaning that Ellie knows four languages and has to frequently switch languages during interactions. What touched me the most was watching the group of older men learn certain signs for the first time! Seeing the kids also learn was a joy.  I hardly have words to explain how I felt knowing that some of them finally get to learn how to communicate with others for the first time. Overall, this event was humbling. Not only is this need overlooked in Honduras, but it is also overlooked in America. It is something for me to be mindful of and to continue to pray for.

I want to thank each of you who have prayed for me! Much of why I’m here is because of the prayers of other people who love and believe in this ministry, so I’m also asking that you would pray for 61 Isaiah Ministries. It’s lead by some of the most humble and faithful people that I have ever met. I’m grateful to be of service here in a town that I love with a ministry that I love. I can’t wait to share stories about new people and places soon!

Published September 2, 2017