Blog - 61 Isaiah

Your Purpose Is Not Your Fulfillment

May 6, 2021 by Lindsey Moreno 3 Comments

I’m living my dream. I don’t know many 23 year-olds who can confidently say they are living their “dream.”

I have to confess I’ve had many “dreams” and still do, but one that sat in the back of my mind for a long time was the dream to move to a Spanish speaking country, teach English, and share my faith. When I take a moment to look at my life I can’t quite believe that I have made it to my dream. I have arrived (Have I really peaked at 23? Is it all downhill from here?).

I remember being in college and what my heart wanted more than anything was to find its purpose. Where do I belong? What is my calling? What is my purpose?–Because the narrative I grew up believing told me that when you find that purpose and calling, you find fulfillment.

When I moved to Honduras I was excited. I had heard the Lord. This is where I belong. This is my calling. This my purpose. As I embarked on the new adventure, I was sure that in the midst of the pandemic I would be lit on fire and experience life with fullness and vibrance and beauty like no other time before. That’s what happens when you live your life on purpose, right?

I started teaching and– it didn’t happen. Life felt the same, if not harder.

The excitement and fire and vibrance I thought fulfilling my purpose would bring was nowhere to be found. Maybe I was doing something wrong. I followed You into the fire, where are You, God? Did I hear You wrong?

And there was a deep fear that maybe I had in fact heard God wrong.

I put on a brave face. I thought, maybe if I muscle through I will figure out this new life in Honduras and I will be fulfilled. I wasn’t a quitter, so I dug in deeper to my purpose.

My time was consumed with lesson planning, and grading, and paperwork, and planning, and moving in, and adjusting to Honduran life, and everything in between. But the more I dug in, the more anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed I became. I was in a perpetual state of survival.

One night I lay in bed, crying, questioning God on how following my purpose could leave me so empty. Wasn’t that the opposite of what fulfilling your purpose was supposed to do? And as I wept I heard him say, “but perhaps you were made for such a time as this. I would not have sent you if you were not strong.”

For such a time as this- when no one wanted to teach online.
For such a time as this- when new teachers didn’t want to commit.
For such a time as this- when quitting would be easier than continuing.

“I would not have sent you if you were not strong,” but I was tired of being strong. I was tired of chasing my purpose if it meant running to stay alive. I was left gasping for air. I couldn’t keep living like this.

Why God, should I keep following this purpose if I thirst so much more than I did before?

And I didn’t get an answer that night, but as the season unfolded God began to answer that question.

This is your purpose, but I am your strength.
This is your purpose, but I am your sustenance.
This is your purpose, but I am your fulfillment because I AM.

I AM your fulfillment.

This season I saw another of my idols fall from his throne.

The false god named purpose who I chased for so long to fill my emptiness and fix my brokenness. The lie of fulfillment, under the pretense of holy pursuits, was laid bare. Before my eyes I could finally see that I had made an idol of finding my purpose.

They say you grow through what you go through, and sometimes I have to learn the hard way. I had bet my life that finding my purpose could do what only God can do, and I didn’t even realize it. Fulfillment is not found in following your purpose, it’s found in following God.

A truth so simple to understand and yet so difficult to accept.

Your purpose is important, but it doesn’t fix you. It doesn’t change you. It doesn’t transform you. Those are things that only God can do.

Your purpose is not your fulfillment, God is.

“Why are you here?”

April 16, 2021 by Spencer Wolverton 2 Comments

A strong wind tore the mountain and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here Elijah?”

1 Kings 19:11-13

Read with Me

Have you had the chance to study 1 Kings 19? If not, I’d like to encourage you to take the time to read it before continuing on in this blog post, or feel free to open up your Bible and read the passage with me as I share my experience with these verses and how God used them to speak with me.

Open 1 Kings 19

Qualifications for this Topic

I’d like to start out by saying that I am not a Bible scholar. There are many others out there more qualified to talk about it. However, the Holy Spirit resides in me, giving me the confidence to share how the Lord has been speaking more personally to me through this passage. As we continue discussing 1 Kings 19, I pray the Holy Spirit would speak directly to your heart the words you need to hear.

Let’s Dig-in

“What are you doing here Elijah (vs.13)?” I find this question from God to be odd and slightly comical. Let me explain. Elijah being afraid for his life flees and eventually journeys to the wilderness. Sitting under a broom tree, he asks God for death. An angel of the Lord touches him and tells him to eat. A second time the angel touches him and says, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you (vs.7).” So Elijah eats and sets off to Horeb, the Mountain of God. When he gets there, the word of the Lord asks him what he is doing there. Elijah explains that Israel has forsaken the Lord’s covenant, killed the Lord’s prophets, and that he is the only one left alive. To which the word of the Lord replies, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord (vs.11).” The Lord eventually appears and asks Elijah what he is doing there.

I was slightly stumped the first time I read His question. I thought, “Didn’t you tell him to go there?” I had to read the beginning part again. The angel told him to eat for the journey. The word of the Lord told him to stand on the mount before the Lord. Yep, pretty sure God told him to be there. So why does God ask him that question?

Throughout the Bible, God tends to ask questions He knows the answers to. Questions like, “Where are you?” “Where is your brother Abel?” “Why are you here?” I have often been told that God asks us questions not for His sake but for ours. In my own personal experience, I can testify that God has often asked me questions, and through those questions He has revealed to me truth and identified lies and corruption. He has granted me wisdom and understanding. He has challenged my thinking, mentality, and beliefs. So how might this question benefit Elijah?

Reading through the passage we can tell Elijah is discouraged. He himself asks to be done. “Is it enough now, O LORD (vs.4)?” Have you been there? I have. “Am I done yet?” “Can I leave yet?” “Can you ask someone else to take it over?” “Why am I still here?” “Why me God?” Do these questions sound familiar?

Following up his question is a request, “Take away my life for I am no better than my fathers (vs.4).” This request seems contradictory to me. He flees because he fears his life, and yet he asks God to take him home. You might be thinking, “Wow, Elijah, that was a dumb request. Aren’t we being a little dramatic? Why would you flee only to request death? Was your plan to travel out into the wilderness and slowly wither away under a tree, asking God not for provision, not for a way out, but death?” Okay, maybe you didn’t think that, but I did. Then the Lord reminded me of my past. He reminded me of the times I was tired, strung out, and empty. He reminded me of all the stupid and dramatic things I’ve said and requested. I was reminded of how He let me say my fill and when I was done wallowing and ready to listen, He would ask me a question. How does God reply to Elijah’s request? He doesn’t answer him yet. Instead He provides Elijah with substances and sends an angel to send Elijah on a journey to find Him.

After journeying about forty days and forty nights Elijah stands out on the mount and finally encounters God only to be asked the question, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He doesn’t reply, “Because you sent me here.” Instead he repeats what he has already said to the word of the Lord. Which personally I take as Elijah justifying his request to be done. I read it as, “God, your people no longer call you their God. They have seen your mighty works and still refuse to turn from their wicked ways. They have killed everyone that you have sent. I am the only one left, and even now they want to kill me. Everything you have asked me to do is no longer possible. Because nothing looks like it will change for the better, because everything looks futile, because everything seems impossible, can I be done?”

We Are Elijah

Elijah is you and me. We stand on top of the mountain in the presence of God.

“Why are you here?”

“Because you asked me to be.”

“I did, but why did you come?”

“Because you promised to take care of me. Because you promised joy in the midst of suffering. Because I thought life would be harder everywhere other than where you asked me to be. Because of all the changes, because of the hearts of the people, because of the obstacles, what you’ve asked me to do seems futile and impossible. Because I am tired and want to know if I can be done?”

“Go back from whence you came, and when you return, you will see that I have made a way.”

Unfortunately we aren’t done. I know you feel tired. I know you want to be done. I know you don’t see how what you are currently doing has gained any traction, but you are not done. So get up and journey to your Mount Horeb. Stand before the presence of God and let him ask you the question, “What are you doing here?” Let His question reveal truth. Let His question squelch whatever lies the enemy has told you. Let it reveal to you wisdom and understanding for what is next. Be encouraged and refilled in the presence of God and then go back from whence you came for He has made a way. He has a plan that He will reveal to you piece by piece when the time comes.

It Took Me 5 Years to Read Through the Bible

April 5, 2021 by Hannah Williamson Leave a Comment

When I was 21 I had this new desire to make my faith my own. Meaning, I wanted to know what Scripture says not just because someone told me what it says, but because I have read it and I know what it says. For the first time I decided to read through the whole Bible chronologically in one year and understand it for myself. Five years later I finished the task I set out on. You may be thinking, “Wow, it took her five years to read through the Bible… that’s kind of a long time.” You would be right, especially since it was supposed to be a one year plan. Let me tell you why it took longer than expected…

One year reading plans are awesome. However, I do not do well with time sensitive reading plans, as I found out about four months into this whole thing. If I missed a day it was really hard for me to catch up and keep going because I got upset with myself for missing a day, then I would end up missing a whole week, then I would get even more upset for missing more days that I just quit all together. This pattern went on for at least a year. I would read a whole bunch in one day to catch up and get back on track, only to get off track again a few weeks later. So I stopped reading. Months went by as I gave up on this goal. I was mad at myself for not being able to stick to a plan and read a few chapters a day.

Around year two I remembered my initial desire: to make my faith my own. In order to do that I needed to know what Scripture says. So one day I took that reading plan and completely ignored the dates given and the required reading per day given and I chose to read as little or as much as I wanted each day in order to finish the reading plan. Once I decided to ignore the time sensitive guidelines, I felt much freer to truly enjoy and dig into what I was reading. Some days I would read a chapter or two, some days I would only read a few verses. Some days I would listen to music or a podcast. Some days I would just be silent. And, of course, some days it just didn’t happen. There were seasons of great growth and seasons that seemed dry. Either way, my time with God changed. It helped me a lot to let go of the timeline and expectations and just be present with God.

Over the past five years my love for God and the Bible has grown tremendously. I have enjoyed having challenging conversations with friends and family about what I have been learning and I have loved hearing their opinions while forming my own. I have even begun reading commentaries on certain passages I don’t understand. My desire to make my faith my own has held true five years later. This year I am starting over and beginning a new reading plan. Since the Bible is living and active, I am excited to see what new things will be discovered this time around. It may take one year or five. I am just excited to get to read, learn, grow, and be present with God through Scripture.

Unprecedented

March 22, 2021 by Shannon Hopkins 5 Comments

We are in unprecedented times. So many times I have longed for things to return to normal. Despite my desire, I realize things are never going to be the same. I have come to realize that unprecedented times call for unprecedented methods. At the same time I have not always expected unprecedented things. It seems like the necessity for unprecedented methods has been for survival. I continue to be drawn back to Acts 11, when Saul (Paul) and Barnabas were in their groove in Antioch teaching, discipling, and growing the church. After two years of great success, God sent a warning about a famine coming. This famine was going to affect the Roman Empire, which means most of the known world. The church chose to respond by sending Saul and Barnabas with a relief package to Jerusalem.

I wonder if delivering relief packages was what they really wanted to do. What I think they really wanted to do was preach and teach the Gospel, yet unprecedented times called for unprecedented methods. What can be missed in this story was the result. They returned with a disciple, John Mark. Shortly after their return the three men were sent out on a missionary journey. Since the first days of this pandemic it has been my desire to not just survive the pandemic, but to see the kingdom grow. We are all not lacking in crazy stories of what is being done during the pandemic, but there is a need for more positive outcomes that have resulted from our unprecedented methods. I would like to share one today.

I am sure most of you know our team teaches and supports a Christian bilingual school called Abundant Life. Since the pandemic began we have gone to virtual classes. Our school has not just survived by implementing virtual classes, I believe they have excelled. The past several months in my Bible class we have been learning about the ministry of Jesus. I have been teaching the students how Jesus is always sharing the Gospel. I have asked the students to work on their explanation of the Gospel. They first had to write an essay explaining the Gospel, then they shared that essay with a classmate to be revised. After the essay the students had to share the Gospel in exactly 10 words. After that they had to share the Gospel in one word. For their final exam they had to send me a video verbally sharing the Gospel. There were many students who were nervous about this assignment. One of those students has openly shared they do not believe in Christ. I received several messages from this student asking for specifics. Up to this point this student has not said more than 10 words to me during their entire high school years. I encouraged the student to share what they believed and to be honest about their faith. One day after virtual class the student wanted to stay behind and ask a question. The student asked their question, but then stayed and kept talking. I had the longest conversation I have ever had with this student. This may not seem like a major win, but it was. Through the conversation the door has been opened for more conversations, specifically deeper spiritual conversations.

At the end of January we finished our second partial, or first semester. I was super frustrated because 8 students failed Bible class. Yes, I am that teacher that fails students in Bible. I do not believe we should lower the standards for teaching and learning just because it is Bible class. In fact, I think expectations should be the greatest for this class. The students are required to complete a study guide and take an exam over the content for the semester in order to have a chance to pass the class. After all the students took the exam I received a message from one of those students. This student has expressed frustration with God very vocally. The student said, “Mr., I cannot believe you failed me. No one has ever failed me in Bible. You know my relationship with God is not good. Mr., I think I am like the rocky soil. I am going to do better in Bible class and I want to do better in my relationship with God.”

Teachers spend hours trying to help students. Most of the time it feels like that work is for nothing. Most students never tell teachers how much they appreciate them. I was not the best student, and I never told the teacher how much I appreciated them. Teachers end up struggling with failure and frustration, especially when it seems like we are not making a difference. However, we must recognize and celebrate these occasional moments and cherish them as reminders that teachers play a vital role in the lives of their students. At a Christian school that role is not just in academic development, but spiritual development. We must remember that, like us, students are on a spiritual journey and we have the honor and privilege of journeying with them. I believe the same is true in the church and each one of our own spiritual lives as well as the spiritual lives of those whom you are ministering to.

Grit or Quit

March 7, 2021 by Micah Jimison Leave a Comment

Culture Shock. I don’t get it.

When you leave the United States everyone warns you about the impending culture shock of moving to a foreign country, especially one as supposedly dangerous as Honduras. When you return to visit they ask all about the culture shock. Honestly, I feel pretty left out. Little about the Honduran culture has shocked me, and almost none of it has made me feel like I am terribly far from home. In fact, as a former Texas cowhand I feel quite at home among the hard working Hondurans I’ve encountered thus far. And yet, as of this writing I feel somewhat angry and far more lonely than I had expected. Anger is no foreign friend to my truly red-headed personality I must admit, and my wife might confirm!

The strange thing is not the anger – the strange thing is why I feel angry. I am angry because I am lonely, and I am lonely because I cannot communicate deeply with these people I have already come to admire and respect. Working on the Hunger Farm every day means I spend all of my days with native speakers. Only one, my friend and translator, speaks English. The others whom I work with only speak Spanish and I only speak enough Spanish for the pleasantries and to labor through the types of conversations necessary to get things done. I cannot yet communicate with people here on the deep level I crave as an introvert who quickly tires of surface level conversations. So what should I do? I could quit; unlikely. I could give up on the very people I came to serve and ruminate in anger; not an option. What are my options? I am called to serve here, so I see only two real options – Grit or Quit.

Jesus has called us all, as Christians, to take up our crosses daily and follow Him. That’s grit. There are many examples of grit: John Wayne from the movie True Grit is a favorite of mine, or my father, or some of the cowboys and farmers I’ve worked with in Texas. Still, the greatest example of grit I have ever found is the Sunday school easy answer – Jesus. And while the answer is easy His example of grit is anything but easy to follow. Jesus left all the riches of heaven to be born in a barn, to live a childhood on the run, and to grow up to be briefly famous and die. If anyone left riches and safety to love people it was Jesus, but that’s not what impresses me most. I am impressed by His reason. He left all of that to spend a full human lifetime learning how to talk to us about the only things that really matter, to love us, and to call us to Himself. He chose grit. It was grit that held Him on that cross – His own and no one else’s.

Jesus came for a reason. As a child of God, I am in Honduras for the same reason. And you, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, if you are called by God to be where you are then you are there for the same reason. People need Jesus. If you are a Christian your job is to be Jesus and bring Jesus. My advice to you is twofold. 1) If you are not where you believe God has called you, QUIT! Quit whatever it is you are doing and go do whatever God is calling you to do. 2) If you are confident you are where God has called you to be, choose grit. Grit when it’s lonely. Grit when friends leave. Grit when life gets tough because Jesus hasn’t called you to heaven yet. He has called you and I to take up our crosses wherever we are and follow His example. I am not shocked by the culture, but let’s none of us be shocked when carrying a cross gets hard, either. It is all worth it – even now, not just in the end.

Read with Me

Qualifications for this Topic

Let’s Dig-in

We Are Elijah

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